Miracles

Hi Everyone :-)

I only have a few minutes before I have to get ready for work, but I wanted to get this subject rolling.

I journal my experiences nearly every day, it helps me to see things more clearly and it also provides a record of sorts for others that I hope will be helpful someday.  Anyway ... I decided that I could start recording my experiences here on Blogger, giving everyone a chance to experience my life with me.  Some days my life is pretty normal with work, friends, and family; but more often than not, I have experiences that many would call miraculous or other-worldly. 

My current experience with Benji is one of those moments in my life, and it is happening now. 

Life is like a spider's web, there are many filaments that reach out in all directions, so there are many lessons connected to one event or person that has found its way into our lives.  So, although I will be sharing my miraculous relationship with Benji, it will also encompass the lessons that I am learning and the ones that I have already learned but have forgotten ... until now.



I posted a short video about Benji in a previous post.  I won't go into his details at this time because I want to jump right into this moment. 


Right now, Benji is resting comfortably in the shade outside while I write this from my back deck.  The wind is strong today, and although the sky was overcast this morning, it is a beautiful Arizona blue right now.  My back deck overlooks the Oak Creek River and I watch the trees with their new green leaves bend with the weight of the wind; the birds are singing and I can even make out the song of the Redwing Blackbird that makes the river its home.  Normally I would be sitting inside in order to avoid the dust being kicked up by the heavy winds, but Benji likes to know that I am nearby and so my laptop and I are braving the flying dust and dirt.  :-)


Benji is doing good today, and not so bad yesterday, but for more than a week prior to yesterday he was in pain and everyone told me to euthanize him.  I have been trying so hard to help him with the limited funds that I have at this time (huge balloon payment on my house), and things seemed to be getting better, but a week and a half ago on Thursday he took a turn for the worse.  It seemed there was nothing I could do for him but to call my horse doctor out and have him euthanized here at home since I couldn't even get him into my vehicle.

The equine vet came out but Benji refused to come out from under my house.  Benji's story is a bit involved, and I will bring you all up to date on his story at a later time.  For now I just want you to know this ...

Everyone that I have allowed to put in their two cents, has said to put him down.  Each person has had their own reasons, some to put him out of his "misery", some were concerned for my personal safety (he's bitten me before), and some didn't think I should waste my time on him when I could help another younger dog who at least had a chance at being adopted.

I searched my heart for the answer ... I prayed for guidance ... I meditated, I chanted, I toned, I called on others to do Reiki, to help with his medical bills, and for support.  Yesterday I couldn't think about him in pain anymore.

I began digging a grave for him in the corner of my yard.  He got up and followed me, and laid down near me while I dug his grave.  I stopped several times, my heart didn't feel right about it.  I listened to the thought voices flowing through my mind while I dug.  I insisted that I wouldn't let him suffer anymore, I tried to close my heart and let pure logic rule.  I stopped my digging again and went inside to call the equine vet out to the house.  I told him that Benji had come out from under the house and that I had tied him to the fence, so administering a shot to tranquilize him before beginning the euthanization was now possible.  Benji had to be secured because the risk of him attacking us was too great.

I went back outside to finish digging his grave.  He hadn't moved from where I had tied him.  As I was digging, the thought voices returned and I continued my conversation with all of them.  What made me change my mind about the euthanasia was the thought voice that said "Even God has abandoned you" ... This changed my mind because I knew that was a lie.  God has never abandoned me, ever.  The next thought voice I heard said, "Just give us a few days"  (amongst other things) ... I agreed.

I went back into the house, called the vet and told him a lie ... "Benji is back under the house" ... he told me to be careful and he would talk to me later. 

Benji is re-teaching me the meaning of love ... reminding me of how miracles work ... and that when there is a true miracle there doesn't need to be any human involvement, not even mine ... just my love to hold the space for God's Work.

Benji is good today.  Benji is happy today.  One day at a time Dear Jesus, One day at a time.

Selah.